What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?
Sunflowers keep popping up
A prompt from the Jetpack on my WordPress ( which I rarely use) . But as I’ve not been blogging lately , here goes :I’m using the prompt.
Particularly as there appears to be some serendipity in this particular prompt appearing right now. Right now as once again reflecting, no grappling with not what to let go but how much and how to do it. So my first reaction is that letting go is more complex and fractured than appears in the gentle unflurried yogi- like phrase of ‘ let go’
The author of article Finding Serenity etc describes the 6 steps involved in letting go,: releasing resentment, control, limiting self beliefs, attachment to past trauma, excessive material possessions . So just fling them off . To be fair, that’s my interpretation. Fling off the myriad of attachments to our life as it is , and then what ? Where are those threads that bind ?
I’m not arguing that we should keep all those bindings, but I am conscious of the complexity of discarding or at least minimising their impact. This is my and, I hazard a guess, others’ pasts.
Life after letting go is a blank slate to write on again . Sometimes there is no more energy or time left to start another story.
But I’m taking this too literally ? Maybe . For me I have woven and continue to weave those resentments, anxieties , memories good and not so good into the fabric of life now as it is being lived. I’m hopeful , always hopeful , that simply being alive is powerful enough to carry me along . The threads are there to remind at times , to caution , to connect. Just not to bind , I’m living my life warts and all.
It’s hard to stay strong, or strongish . Or believe that I can write .
Just a ‘ not suitable for this journal , we’ve had a lot of submissions ‘ , and I forget the ones that I have had published . I also forget why I’m writing, especially poetry.
The old competitive streak re-emerges: I have to put a No against the table I have , listing what/ date submitted/ result !!
It’s such a balancing act . To take in the feedback but not let it annihilate my voice . Or obliterate urge to write . And here I thank SPM for their feedback .
It’s their feedback which will keep me at it . Keep me writing , I know all the factors working against my success : age, motivation, academia ( ha yes,) There are more but not really relevant .
I’m still becoming confident with my found voice . I’m getting better with the structure and presentation . Still struggling with technology of submission and confidence . But I’ll get there.
Here I sit in the fading light. On the verandah at Augusta house.Looking out to trees and more trees and only the occasional sound of tyres as people return home at the end of the day. Even the birds are quieter . But I’m watching the growing wasp nest near my head. Those wasps had better enjoy their last night .
You’re not staying
Time and more time. Here there are fewer things to be done , and it takes a while to create a new routine to the day , so late rising and sitting here with coffee and sitting some more. While Doug cuts up logs .
Busy
Then the short drive to the town and more coffee at the something or other Robin.
Today I had a swim at Flinders beach and it was surprisingly warm . The sun has been out all day and only now is the slight chill coming in , and time to light the wood fire.
So it’s been a day of coffee, swim, basking in the sun, walking, op shop ( good one here!) , hardware store to tighten the electric saw, food shopping, reading and writing. Because I have time, I cannot escape writing. Busy Augusta day.
Visiting Cockburn for a grandsons party. 5 years old and just started ‘ big school’. Díaz , his brother, doesn’t like all the noise and people running around or cooing over him , trying to remove him from his Mums hip . He is firmly ensconced on that hip and wailing loudly.
So here I am outside the 🎈 party 🎈 room with all the climbing frames and play stuff , with a protesting Díaz .
And here I am blogging again. ( Time, no book, a critical frame of mind and/or caring= blogging) . First thoughts and some of them possibly biased, Fremantle yuppified, dated. But here they are : signalled in the header .
Here there are all the things we say we need ; shops, car parking , train and bus food ,dental and medical , chid health, fitness …. List goes on. Pavements are clean and straight, shops invite in with signage and air conditioning , modern finishes , houses all in a row and apartments facing the street straight and white and clean .The requisite open green spaces and trees interspersed .
It’s just so new, so boringly designed , so bereft of soul . Square upon square, Large blocks on either side of this road as I walk to the Cockburn station, cake over and kids and parents dispersing , Díaz returned to his mums hip
In defence of my critique, I have to say there are lots of young families walking around shops , bringing their children to the pools , visiting the gym or play center. Also a range of colours and dress. Cockburn is more affordable for young families , has more easily reached facilities. Probably it’s cleanliness and the lack of street sleepers and yelling also attracts .
But …. Please let’s keep Fremantle with some of its rough edges.Rough edges and imperfections add life.Hold tight .
( This was written a few months ago and I have just discovered it lurking in drafts . Maybe it should stay there , but I’m putting it up ) .
So finally we have reached the end of Christmas/ New Year celebrations. Sitting in the shade under the playground at Geordie Bay, Rottnest ( no space on any of the chairs and tables as this small island is filled beyond capacity). It is definitely a time to take stock .
Taking Stock is a serious business , even for cats
I wonder why we go on about making resolutions each new year. After all, many of us have not achieved the ones made 10 years ago. I admit that I have trotted out the same goals/ intentions/ resolutions each year for a very long time . Always recycled, sometimes discarded, often modified and occasionally partially achieved , initially anyway . But we know how hard it is to change habits so why do we keep making new resolutions . Hey , I’m sticking with the old ones, just chipping away .
I’m sticking with the old while recognising the hard facts that age and circumstance play a big role in achievement. I have always had a list of very specific actions related to broader themes. ( Yes I have in the past spent too much time on SMART goals and have fiddled around writing and re -writing lists within lists within lists…..). Dance has been on my list under FUN. I have named types of dance to try , where they are, how often sessions are held, cost . . But 10 years after that first sortie into change , or rather regaining my sense of being , I really struggle with moves in swing dance and flamenco , both of which I love .
That original spurt of attachment or insight remains . I am not altering my earlier enthusiasm for real dance to embrace “ over 55’s” exercises or ‘ chair yoga’ or whatever the current marketing pitch for the aging population . So I’m stubbornly keeping that resolution in my head and pondering , doing little bits . What I have to do is drop the bar : I am not going to be a wonderful flamenco dancer or do those smooth, fast and fun Swing moves. But I can do a modified , albeit fudged version , of the dances I like. I can just incorporate whatever bits of whatever dance style into my dance. !
Dancing 💃
I blame Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project ( Harper:2009 . Many revisions) for years of writing specific goals. Despite my somewhat dismissive tone, her book is worth reading. Just because of offering a structured yet flexible approach to adjusting some of the eternal niggles of family life. Her central premise “if my life is so wonderful , why am I not happier?” Is a useful jumping off point . . Only now do I recognise that happiness is not a constant; chasing happiness is like chasing rainbows, or shape shifting entities . The endpoint rarely meets the imagined. Nonetheless human beings are pursuers of happiness, with all its myriad of meanings , interpretations, contradictions and imperfections .
So my drive towards a happier, better life has always revolved around kindness ( good to have a core value thrown in ), having fun and being adventurous . Curiosity I believe is the basis for being and feeling alive . Pretty simple , and I don’t need to overanalyse and prescribe and measure . I’m happy now but may not feel happy just now or tomorrow. Unadulterated happiness is rare and wonderful . If it were a constant it would be another pretty ordinary part of life. So…
Just this instant I have bought a bright headband and a striped skirt at Rottnest’s Indianic clothes shop. Overpriced, but it’s the beginning of the 2023 me in action: Brightness and FUN. Adventure and kindness will follow.
Surely brightness ( sic goodness) shall follow me …..( psalm)
Sambasue21 