Persephone and Max Angelo -a few months after i got home 

Walking the Camino Madrid :from Zamarrala to Ane 22.3 km

Well started on this account of a walk from Madrid to Olmedo  in the NW of Spain in March this year ,and got distracted on the way.When I came back to writing and more  discarded some of the topics.They are either too mundane ,too personal ,too difficult -what  once seemed so pertinent and so meaningful lost its shine .

There I was in a bar in Zamarramala,a small pueblo 12 kms from Segovia ,getting ready to depart on the next leg .with my oldest daughter Nardwyn.Whats App showed me a pic of youngest daughter holding a baby linked to tubes and wires -born early .We burst into tears.Suddenly our real world was here in this small ,jovial bar and what i was doing seemed trivial and without any substance .In one small stroke ,or whats app pic ,contentment and self satisfaction ,adventure ,became just a selfish and meaningless act

I should have been there for the birth ,I meant to be there and had timed return for 4 weeks time ,,but babies are born without thought of timings and plans .There is my daughter looking at me and I can see the accusation in her eyes ,still groggy after the birth ,-you’ve let me down once again .

All day I walk ,thinking of them both.Should I have stayed home knowing that an early birth was a possibility ?or was I right to carry on with my life?Life is always unpredictable ,to be lived at the time and waiting on a birth is waiting for an event.I tried to rationalise that I could  still be present ,sending warm thoughts and love (But I changed the return date and cut the time of walking )

At the moment there is no turning back.But our attention was  not on the way .after the first few hours the arrows faded out and we walked through a pine forest with the usual several possible paths An interminable walk through pines and more pines and  sand across flat fields and nothing visible ahead.After more dragging of feet and feeling sorry for ourselves we  reached a rise ,and there was Ane,ghost village filled with old people who peered at us fearfully from cracks in doorways ,and cats .After a lot of talking we finally got someone who knew someone with the key to the hostal.Karma ,we had not brought any food and there were no bars or shops ,and by this time daughter was shivering with fever and could hardly stand .The sweet old man mumbled his way slowly to the hostal to open it for us ,It hadn’t been used for a while ,but luckily there was a smaller room with an electric heater so managed to warm it up and pile blankets over Nardwyn .All I had was panadol and a lemon tea bag ,there was hot water though.A pretty awful night as she got hotter ,but luckily by morning the fever had  subsided and we were able to depart

So i guess this blogg entry is about making choices and then being able to wear them Also about being prepared : this was the first time ever that I walked without any food And retaining an awareness of  the unpredictability of events like births and illnesses ,and weather.The camino may provide ,but there is also a very real need to be vigilant and as prepared as possible .