Well it seems like I’m not the only one who haunts op shops and sales and gazes into shop windows as I pass￼ .Checking my image as well as mentally redressing myself in different garments:
HOW do I look ?
How do I want to look though? And WHY do I want to look like whAtever or whoever ?
Well it’s never a fixed idea or want. I actually am ok with how I look,most of the time.Just as quite ok with where I am
But………lately I have been looking and acquiring clothes a lot. Constantly 💀.Chucking out and acquiring more clothes ￼Often not wearing the garb ever again .
Back into my normal jeans, shirt￼ scarf and earrings. LAtely the op shopping and stockpiling is connected with a shifting identity
With a Cáncer diagnosis there is a strong desire to cling onto the known ,to hold onto what can be held. But the known ,older self is shifting, dissapearing, parts are fading.So the putting on of new garments is more than the dress ups of old￼.Its both a checking and a searching .I feel different ,look different ? What can I add to how I look, with what do I replace what is perhaps lost forever?
So two selfies taken with the chemo bottle on , trying on a dress( which I’m proud I resisted buying )
The photo pure fun , squeezed into my grand daughters ballet dress
Others , my lovely daughter many years ago a dress I brought back from UK,she’s delighted and I felt guilty having left her to go off on N adventure.
And my equally lovely grandchildren. Full of life and fun and playing with colour and style and identity.
PS 3/3/20 Been given all clear . But will still dress up , for fun and joy