Sunflowers persist ,flower in hard times and are joyful
Always Sunflowers
-End April 2021 Visit for annual check /CT Scan post cancer

I stand in a queue with my referral and hand it to the receptionist .She tells me to sit on the chairs and wait .So I sit on the chairs in this white room .A man (he tells me he is the radiographer )comes along and tells me politely to change into the gown and takes me to the corridor ,gives me the gown and a basket for my clothes and suggests I change in the loo.I take everything off and put the gown on ,struggling to understand again which way it fastens so as not to gape in front and show half my stomach and breasts .Immediately feel a patient as its so ugly ,so open ,so gaping .Muddy grey with one tie at neck .Stripped and cold I sit and wait again on a bench in the corridor outside the radiography room .The radiographer comes back and tells me I can move into the CT scan room .I follow him in and lie on the bench .He .sets tup the tubes before asking the usual questions :name ,date of birth .,allergies .

” Had the blood test ?”
“Yes ,the results should be here “.
Pause “Oh well you seem ok and you say no problems with your liver ?.We’ll go ahead .”.

He ties the tourniquet around my left arm and then has trouble getting the needle into the vein .A pause .
“Better check the blood test “he says .Leaving me lying on my back looking at the ceiling he goes off to phone for the blood test results .I can hear him murmuring and he’s gone a long time it seems .Back he comes .”Its s all ok “.Phew!

We start.
Slide into the cone .Breathe .Slide out .
Slide in .Voice says again “Breathe in .Hold for 3 Breathe out “And as I breathe out the bed is slid back out of the cone .
And its in and out ,in and out, in and out ,with the disembodied voice instructing me on my breath
Then the liquid is pumped through the reclatriant vein.That icey feeling inside my body .Sliding in and out of the cone again
Its over,I get up slowly off the table .Not for another year .It didn’t hurt .It wasn’t all that long .Hopefully the results will be good .So why are my knees shaky and my hands trembling?