My favourite ( only ) gym

No it’s not what you think ; resolving to get to the gym regularly.

My resolutions relate to how I conduct myself in the gym.

I will not make ‘ old people noises’ while lifting weights, getting on and off the elliptical, speeding up on machines. In fact I will not make those noises at all.

What noises ? you ask. Sighs, breathing heavily, expelling air with a loud Phewww or huhhhh. Farting, even quietly.

I will not swear as I try for a heavier weight, put one down after a set, nearly miss the step getting off a machine, or trip over the weight I have left on the floor ( things have moved on in twenty years as most gyms now are nice places. Anyway it’s not acceptable for an older woman to use an expletive especially the F word ).

I will not roll my eyes at someone , usually female, creeping along on the stepper at a snails pace while talking at a hundred miles an hour.

I will not feel resentment, gradually rising to anger, towards someone , usually male colonising 2 bits of equipment. They place their towel on one and sit on the other, for ages .

I have to admit that some of these small annoyances are a result of NOT getting to the gym regularly enough. It’s called projection . The noises one is because I’m getting tired of someone alongside me asking “ are you alright”? as I breathe as one is supposed to breathe lifting , or saying encouragingly “ that’s right, you’ve got it”. It’s because I’m older and a woman . Men of any age can groan and yell and sweat and fart , but they are exercising good and hard .

But despite the above, I recommend gym work. For strength, and getting rid of the petty stresses of our lives. Sometimes aggression. Mostly quiet people here, intent on getting on with things. So go along. Just don’t make too many old people noises if you’re an older woman .