O k -Por que estoy caminando .Why am I walking??

Day 1 23/3/2018 22.2 km

First day of the Camino Madrid -from train ride to Colemar de Viego to Manzaneras el Real.Cheating ,but it was a hard first day anyway .Walked from Petrus Albergue in outer Madrid ,to the metro and bought a ticket by Cercernaris to Colemar,
Not as clever as I thought as train dropped us off at station which initially seemed in the middle of nowhere ,and there was a 2 km uphill walk to find the arrows for the exit from the town .As usual there were several starts ,but eventually located the first arrow in front of the old church ,via a series of roadworks and potholes .A very pretty church ,was hauled in by the old man who was looking after it to sign our credentials ,plus a long monologue on the town and the pilgrims who have passed through,We were itching to get going now especially as the sky was looking increasingly grey ,the wind harsher and some threatening drops of what seemed like sleet or snow .But he was a kind and gentle old man who obviously spent most of his day in the old church waiting to tell visitors about this beautiful old church and its stories .He stamped our credentials ,or passeportes ,once again and we were off ,

After an hour walking the wind became increasingly cold and hard ,and the arrows increasingly elusive ,appearing in unexpected places .Probably it was getting used to the arrow chase again. Stumbling over rocks .no sense of where the path was heading .An old bridle path and sometimes Roman,Snow threatening now ,and hard walking against the wind

Why am I walking in 5-8 degrees in rain and cloud and an evil wind ?Why heading to a place I dont know ,to a bed (hopefully ) somewhere ,following yellow arrows which shift position or disappear? This camino seemed a good idea 2 weeks ago -always forget the weather inclemencies ,the uncertainties and the anxieties of walking .
Camino lovers would say that the camino throws up the problems one needs to confront.Do I go along with this ? I do believe that as one moves from the certainties and fabric of the everyday with its routines ,jobs, conflicts ,relationships,and are separated from anyone to blame ,there is only self left .Self with minimal baggage ,moving slowly on 2 legs ( or a bike or horse I guess)across a landscape which is at times beautiful but also quite stark ,sometimes quite ordinary ,often positively confronting .Stone walls and blackberry bushes ,mud, lean toos ,cows placidy grazing ,dogs guarding run down small holdings ,men and women working land .
The thing is I am not even sure of where I will end up tonight ,or where I will stay or even of the way itself.

Salud,with cafe con leche safely in Madrid the day before the start ,!Im not always drinking wine you see
Standing outside the church in Colemar Viego ,a grey cold day at the start of the walk .
HA !the first flecha,we found it after wandering in circles for a while

Getting ready to walk again -Rocky Bay North Fremantle to Camino Madrid

Practice Walk:along the cliffs to Rocky Bay

Three sleeps to go ,and plane to Madrid .Am determined this time round to keep a coherent and meaningful account of the walk/experiences /thoughts along the way .At this stage will just put my photo up from a practice walk this morning ,complete with sticks and pretty ugly hat .In front of Rocky Bay ,North Fremantle ,a magic spot in itself as this is where the Rainbow Serpent rested on its way along the coast

Will I too lie in this Graveyard ? Un

Will I too lie in this graveyard 

Forgotten

My ashes merged with loamy earth

Next to someone else’s headstone?

Unnamed

Sun shining on daisies and

buttercups

Wind wheezing between graves

Clouds forming

Rain falling

Weather uncertain

 

A walker passing by may pause

to  read the inscription 

chiselled in the stone 

Then stumble on some tufts of grass  

shorter  than the rest

Surmise that ashes still  lie  

in that bare patch 

 

The assorted photos are a mix of some of the grave sites and memorials I have walked past or visited .Some  are from Spain ,sometimes  huge headstones to individuals  or memorials to heros in the Civil War alongside statues of saints and poets.The Chinese memorial is to the General who in 1659 lost the great city of Xian to the Qing army ,and burnt himself to death.Some are nearer home culturally –the barrows of 5,500 years ago ,in the Cotswold Hills .The photo with the bluebells is next to a family  grave in a churchyard in Bath ,Somerset .

I searched my photos to find a photo of the graveyard which inspired this poem.But my memory was wrong , I didnt use my camera there .The image is clear in my head : a site I tripped over a few times while exploring the graveyard at St Marys ,Prestbury village .I visited my uncles  grave with my aunt ,his wife .He  has a name and a  plaque.But near him was a bare patch ,where maybe  once upon a time there had been a small stone .Now no name, no marker.

During my times in Cheltenham a favourite walk was from my aunts house ,across the Cheltenham Racecourse  through the fields ,and then a  cut through the graveyard to reach the village  pub in Prestbury .There, opposite the little church .we drank our cider.

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Do I go or Do I stay ????

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All packed and unpacked 

“I like long walks ,especially when they are taken by people who annoy me “
Noel Coward

“Travel is glamorous only in retrospect”Paul Theroux

“Travel is flight and pursuit in equal measure “ ?

“ I always found myself in the company of Australians who were like a reminder of why I left “?

My favourite :”All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware”Martin Buber

So what was/is my secret destination? I guess if its secret it is secret from me too .I can make assumptions about what sorts of intentions are linked with my urge to go walking in Spain (not the Bibbulman,not the Kimberlys,not Thailand or UK …) Not even,minus the walking , a beach sojourn in a cheap Asian resort just a few hours flight from Western Australia.But specifically Spain and the Mozarabe ending in Granada ,possibly in Cordoba.A 19 hour plane flight away .

Now its a moot point as have cancelled our flight.My new clever backpack sits on the chair in my room with its contents spread around like parts of a dismembered creature waiting to be repaired and put together again so it can move .A creature playing dead .If I waved my hand the parts float together and separately into their allotted spot in my pack?I have thought them together many times the last few days and I see them sitting snugly inside my pack as I walk along the path ,my pack comfortable on my back .I swing my arms slightly and enjoy the good spring weather in the south of Spain.I am walking steadily at an even pace and as Brierley ( one of the much used guide books to the caminos) always cautions ,I remain vigilant :Unexpected twists in the road ,a yellow arrow that disappears or points in the wrong direction,a stone ,a crevice ,pebbles and gravel ,a sudden drop .Today I am above such mishaps and the day is still beginning so hips are still unharmed,no blisters ,the country side as beautiful as expected -no Ave ( the  long train line going from South to North the Spaniards love which has cut across huge tracks of land ) no  3 lane motor ways obliterating the Roman or Arab ancient road ,no long dusty flat pieces of land with not even an olive tree in sight ,and deficient in bars for cafe con leche stops .

But I am not there.I’m in my bedroom in Australia looking at that pack .The last few weeks have felt like  a circuitous journey on a slowly revolving wheel;as it slows another trouble or job or obligation attaches itself to the rim ,and there I am in the middle not really able to reach the tyre part but every now and then a new black spot spins past .I feel smaller and smaller until all that is left is the rim and a  little person curled up in the centre .

First the dog got bitten at the vet ,where I took her to have an arthritis injection so that she will be free of stiffness while I am gone .An old dog who usually bites other dogs ,this time she was bitten ,and badly so that the cut was deep enough to need stitches -at great cost.I settled that ,she is bandaged and is on antibiotics which seem to cost more than ones for humans .She needs to be taken to the vet every 3 days for a change in dressing.I organise someone to do that while I am gone

Ok she’s a dog .Then my old mother ,taken to the doctor the day before for usual check is fine ,but a routine blood test shows poor kidney and liver function .A whole weekend spent talking to her about going to hospital for treatment.No chance .She can’t hear much anyway,but she can hear enough to reject hospital.As she gets more yellow and looks more unwell I still cling to the hope that maybe the next test will show an improvement .I organise for carers to do extra visits to her at home ,members of family rostered to visit .No .mprovement in one area ,not in another ,so another blood test forthcoming .Flights cancelled the night before we leave.

I visit her the next morning -“Oh she says ,I thought you were going “. Ha

Now these are only 2 of the major things -in between there has been a fence erected at the back of the house ,site works for a building that is to go up,the installation of a shed in the back garden so that the back room which has been used as a shed can be cleaned up ,and my daughter move in .Extra power plugs and fans installed .Plus the house has been reorganised.Then usual things like a bad back as a consequence of taking up a power yoga to strengthen a weak back ,cleaning a rental unit and waging a war against cockroaches The list is goes on.

The question at the back of my mind is : is  this all as I am not meant to go at this time to this place ? Would this all have happened anyway but because I am going it has all escalated and come together.I have to admit that I do not take kindly to the dog limping around in the garden ,or my mother sitting  in the same chair in her house and asking me when I am leaving as she wants to put on the rice for tea.Perhaps I have to learn to take kindly to injured pets and  old mothers

When do I go ? Hasta luego Espana.